Killing Me Softly: Sadistic Care

Could sadism be aligned with ethics and practices of care? At first blush, especially with all of the associations we might have between sadism, coldness, and cruelty— care and sadism might feel like very strange energetic bedfellows (or, perhaps, “dungeon-fellows”).

In this class, we will explore this seemingly strange juxtaposition: 

One—in what ways might sadism be a sublime form of care? We will dive into various ways sadism has been understood—from its origins in the work of DAF de Sade to 19th century sexology and in contemporary leather. And drawing from the work of the psychoanalyst Avgi Saketopoulou (Sexuality Beyond Consent), we will consider how particular applications of sadism are inseparable from an ethics of care. 

Two—how might certain forms of care, nurturance, and affirmation be deployed to sadistic effect in scene? We will consider how care can be achingly hard for so many of us to receive, even as we might yearn for it in some way. We will also discuss how moments of softness and nurturance can be a vehicle for tumbling into a pain-pleasure-scape. Here, we will take time to brainstorm scene ideas so that we can benefit from everyone’s collective debauched wisdom.

Some topics we’ll discuss:

• Sadisms (particularly “exigent sadism”)
• Caregiving and nurturance with a sadistic approach 
• “Munchaussen by Proxy” kink
• Playing with attachment
• Care for the Dominant who is restless
• Pre-care and aftercare

This 2-hour class is pitched for intermediate and advanced players. It will include a presentation of concepts, discussion, and a 30 minute demo scene.